Don’t talk about it…be about it.

I had just picked up a gig doing video work for an ill-fated TV show. I remember I asked for $25/hour and was amazed that I had got it!  I remember the producer pulled out a calculator multiplied 25×40, held it up and said “We’ll pay you this a week.” Wow $1000 a week!

But even though this was a great gig. It definitely had an expiration date, so like a good freelancer I kept on prospecting and using my “Stacking” method I dug up some more work.
Flash forward one e-mail and two phone calls later….

Their office was on Wall Street. Which was weird because design shops aren’t normally on Wall Street. They had Freedom chairs and 23” Sony monitors. This was in 2003 when 23” Sony monitors cost around $2000. Freedom chairs cost around $3000. Not chump change.

Two gents opened the door. We quickly sit down and start chatting about the company and what they have going on, nothing too specific. We are talking and one of the “partners” is talking about flash sequencing and programming and he starts smoking a joint.

Now I’m no square. But I remember being amazed at what was going on. It was a harbinger for things to come, however I was not yet experienced enough to understand what was unfolding in front of me. However it was there, in plain sight.

I immediately started working, diving into a project. It was a weird project. It had no beginning, had no end. The art direction was all over the place. I was working more than 14 hours a day. I had to be at the TV studio at 8:00am and I would head over to the other office by 6 and work until midnight. It was hard work. It was hard because it was boring. For myself nothing is more crushing to my spirit than boring work. Can you sympathize?

For weeks I would constantly smell weed and liquor. Their stupid alienware laptops with the glowing eyes would stare at me during long hours.

“Make it cooler”, “Make it slicker”, “Make it more…" insert flailing arms around.

The art direction made no sense. The project was stalling. There was no talk of feedback from the client. They talked endlessly about themselves. How important their company was going to be. The clients they would have. It was as inspirational as it was egotistical.

The Clients.

The clients are what finally put it together for me. During my time there one of the “partners” talked a lot about how he flew back and forth to California as a freelancer. Out of curiosity I looked into it and it turned out to be his parents company…all of their clients were their parents company. Looking back I feel for these guys because they really did have a dream…

…but it was too late.

I came in one day and there was no more money to pay me. But they did pay me what I was owed.

And to their defense I wasn’t the greatest designer back then.
Not the greatest now. I had an ego, still do.

As I have grown as a creative I have looked back on this time quite often. It was my ascension period. Like a space shuttle taking off I was burning eighty percent of my fuel, just to get by. But I did get by. And I learned a valuable lesson…

I could waste your time and tell you all the benefits of being authentic. But I won’t. I will tell you that being unauthentic is useless. Everyone sees through it. Everyone at one time or another falls prey to it. Look at my old card :

I really wanted to be successful. I really wanted to be taking seriously. I really wanted to make a lot of money. I really wanted, wanted and wanted. I was desperate.

Finally I abandoned it. It was liberating. For so long I had been trying to prove myself, and when I realized I didn’t have to, the proof was there. It’s allowed me to grow, to become better, and also more importantly it has allowed me to set myself apart from the crowd.